Be careful of the sample lady.

I hate walking through the make up section in fancy ass department stores.  One time as I was making my way to the 75% off red sticker tag shoe rack in Dillards, I passed by the Keihls skin department. I probably spelled Keihls wrong, but you know the line of overpriced skin care I am referring to.  I noticed a jar of cream sitting out very close to the isle with little ice cream spoons in it.  Without thinking, which I don't do much at department stores anyway, I grabbed a sample of the cream and out of no where, a sales lady with NASA grade jetpacks landed in front of me.  She started telling me about how awesome the cream is with the complete line of facial stuff that imprisons moisture into your skin and wanted to demonstrate the whole process to me.  Now I am not witty enough to think of an excuse to escape this service to get suckered into buying some overpriced crap that never delivers what the photoshopped models look like.  She also claimed that it's her favorite product, yet I can still tell from her looks that she smokes, doesn't get enough sleep, and is probably going through a dysfunctional relationship with some a-hole she met online.  So if she is using product line, which costs half of an average monthly mortgage; or two months of workman's comp pay if you're trailer trash, that it doesn't work.  How could I tell her that her face is proof the creams don't work?  Still, I am polite enough to allow the presentation while looking from the corner of my eye at the size 7 rack of shoes.  If you have ever been in this situation, here is your out.  Commit this to memory because it is literally your 'get out of buying overpriced skin crap' card:  "I have major skin sensitivity which puts me in a mild cardiac arrest.  I would like a sample to test out with a team of doctors on alert in the in event that the ingredient's don't agree with me.'.  I promise you it works like a charm.  They won't even ask you to elaborate because nobody cares about your medical problems.  Or, maybe you're cup is half full and you look at the positive and decide that ramon noodles for dinner ain't that bad, so you blow your grocery budget on a 1.75 ounce of face cream. Good for you.  You gotta love a woman or man who holds tight to the pant leg of their youth. 

What can smoking to do you?

http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/31/health/smoking-aging-identical-twins/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

A CNN article about aging twins shows photos of the puffing twin compared to the non-puffing twin.  At the time of this writing, there were only 4 to 5 photos. 

Now I am not a smoker. I have other bad habits but smoking is not one of them.  When I saw the headline of this article, I expected to see the smoking twin look like a bad DUI mugshot.  It didn't.  I didn't see a dramatic difference in appearance.  The smoker did have a few more wrinkles, but nothing Retina-A and botox can't fix. The smoking twin did look a bit angry, but one can imagine why.  Undocumented studies have shown that twins are very jealous of each other.  So you can imagine the mood at the photo session.  Hey twin A, lets take a side by side photo of you and your healthy twin so the we can see how ugly your are because you smoke.  If I was R.J. Reynolds, I would sue for slander if someone said my product made them ugly.  Yes, it is true that smoking causes cancer and birth defects like Michael Moore, but to say it makes one ugly is taking it too far. 

Like I said, I am not a smoker.  I don't have anything against smokers unless they blow that crap in my face.  But I do think we are making it life more stressful for smokers by banning them from anywhere that has four walls and making them stand ten thousand feet away to have a puff.  Are we not suppose to be helping them as a society? Do we actually think a gum and a skin sticker solves all their problems?  We are just adding to their stress by shunning them and what does stress do to smokers?  It makes them smoke more.  And for them to smoke, they have to go somewhere far far away like in the woods.  That's why California has all these forest fires.  It's because of their strict smoking policies that bans smoking from everywhere expect under the ocean and in the woods.

If I was a smoker, the CNN article would be good news to me.  So smokers, puff away if you care more about your appearance then your health.  Sure your life expectancy decreases, but that just means you won't ever have to worry about paying loans off completely.  Your short life will be good.