I Bite My Nails

If you are the 1 in 7.876 folks who has this disgusting habit then you can understand. I bite my nails when I get anxious, like when I am lost in my car or late for an appointment. But most of the time, I bite my nails for pure pleasure. To me, it's like peeling sunburned skin or popping a ripe zit. It satisfies a part of my brain that no narcotic drug can reach. It makes me feel like a dictator and my nails are little minions subjected to my constant torture and abuse. I know...my nails are part of me and I should be more compassionate. I am. When I wake up the next day and look at my disgusting, red, bitten down finger nails, I feel alot of remorse. Mostly for the innocent folks who have to look at it.
So I am happy to report that I have found a product that not only makes my nails stronger, but it also makes the polish last longer (wow...that rhymes). Basically, when my nails look good, I don't bite it. I leave it alone. Kind of like how we treat people in society. If they look good, we leave them alone. If they are ugly, we become bullies and subject them to harassment, rock throwing, and insults. We draw harsh conclusions about them just to feel good and superior about ourselves. But deep down inside our lower intestines, we know we are the ugly inferior ones. We are the ones with the abnormal issues and future felony records. We're the ones that society has a permenant middle finger held up right in front of our face. Okay, I am getting off subject, but as of now, my nails look pretty good. Now when I converse with strangers, I cross my arms but flex my fingers so they can see my manicure. I even wear green nail polish just to make sure I get noticed. I am pretty sure I am due to relapse soon, but for now, I AM WINNING!!!!